Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
