peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
