Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
