He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
