You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
