spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
