Who did Billy Mays play for?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
