he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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