Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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