i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
