so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
