my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just google imaged poop.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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