I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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