How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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