I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
