I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
