it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why do cheetos always look like penises
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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