Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
honey bunches of taint.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
