What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
