you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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