You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
