I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
