I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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