i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
