Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
