He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
