Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
