took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
