i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
