i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
