I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
