mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
