I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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