I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't notice because vodka
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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