So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
