Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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