I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
