I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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