This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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