Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
