She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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