I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
