id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
