It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
