Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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