A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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