so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
