I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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