I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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