I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
